Smokin' Cigarettes and watchin' Captain... Kangaroo.
So today, I have almost seven hours off in the middle of the day. It breaks down like this:
Work from 7:10 to 9:48
Off from 9:48 to 4:36
Work from 4:36 to 7:33
This works out to five and a half hours driving and six and three quarters hours with my thumb up my ass.
I have chosen to spend that off time as follows:
Watch Mean Machine (Guy Ritchie remake of The Longest Yard).
Watch Team America: World Police.
Do five loads of laundry.
Surf IMDB for five solid hours, concentrating mostly on Ritchie and Tarantino films.
Have some soup.
Update this blog.
Invent a language, teach it to someone, and use it to make fun of another person in public, right in front of them.
Blow my nose forty-one thousand nine hundred and eight times.
Crochet myself a new TTC uniform.
Crochet myself a new computer.
Write, draw, ink, letter and colour a comic book that uses the same characters, situations, pictures and dialog as DC's Justice League, but does not plagiarize it in any way.
Write a song that simultaneously reflects the suffering of the survivors of last year's various natual disasters, the love of Jude Law for whoever he's currently fucking, and the joy of Terry Gilliam, for getting away with 'The Brothers Grimm'.
Release a film made up entirely of establishing shots of large buildings with captions describing what those buildings are.
Learn to kill a man using only an application for a federal grant for the purpose of researching the time-travel capabilities of Hawaiian Tropic Tanning lotion.
Figure out how to do that slow motion walking thing from Reservoir Dogs, teach it to all my friends, and just walk around like that all the time.
Teach a grizzly bear to perform oral sex. On someone else. I'm not crazy.
Teach, I don't know, an anteater or something to perform oral sex.
Change my name to Bono, steal all his money, and change it back! It's bulletproof!
Then change my name to Cobra Commander.
Poop in every KFC... IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!
I can't honestly say I want to kill anybody, but it'd be cool to make some people invicible and inaudible, and non-corporeal somehow. So that no one could ever be bothered by them again. Might as well buty a fake coffin while we're at it, though.
Go on a wildcat strike from doing dishes. Set up a picket line and don't allow anybody to cross it.
Do the 'Wristwatch Trick'.
Be late for work?
Shit.
Seeya.
Work from 7:10 to 9:48
Off from 9:48 to 4:36
Work from 4:36 to 7:33
This works out to five and a half hours driving and six and three quarters hours with my thumb up my ass.
I have chosen to spend that off time as follows:
Watch Mean Machine (Guy Ritchie remake of The Longest Yard).
Watch Team America: World Police.
Do five loads of laundry.
Surf IMDB for five solid hours, concentrating mostly on Ritchie and Tarantino films.
Have some soup.
Update this blog.
Invent a language, teach it to someone, and use it to make fun of another person in public, right in front of them.
Blow my nose forty-one thousand nine hundred and eight times.
Crochet myself a new TTC uniform.
Crochet myself a new computer.
Write, draw, ink, letter and colour a comic book that uses the same characters, situations, pictures and dialog as DC's Justice League, but does not plagiarize it in any way.
Write a song that simultaneously reflects the suffering of the survivors of last year's various natual disasters, the love of Jude Law for whoever he's currently fucking, and the joy of Terry Gilliam, for getting away with 'The Brothers Grimm'.
Release a film made up entirely of establishing shots of large buildings with captions describing what those buildings are.
Learn to kill a man using only an application for a federal grant for the purpose of researching the time-travel capabilities of Hawaiian Tropic Tanning lotion.
Figure out how to do that slow motion walking thing from Reservoir Dogs, teach it to all my friends, and just walk around like that all the time.
Teach a grizzly bear to perform oral sex. On someone else. I'm not crazy.
Teach, I don't know, an anteater or something to perform oral sex.
Change my name to Bono, steal all his money, and change it back! It's bulletproof!
Then change my name to Cobra Commander.
Poop in every KFC... IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!
I can't honestly say I want to kill anybody, but it'd be cool to make some people invicible and inaudible, and non-corporeal somehow. So that no one could ever be bothered by them again. Might as well buty a fake coffin while we're at it, though.
Go on a wildcat strike from doing dishes. Set up a picket line and don't allow anybody to cross it.
Do the 'Wristwatch Trick'.
Be late for work?
Shit.
Seeya.
posted by I am being paid to do this at 11:47 AM
2 Comments:
And I thought I was the only one who sat around and did the wristwatch trick by myself.
Q. Why do the wristwatch trick unless you're planning on showing someone.
Q. Have you ever seen the last chicken at market?
Q. Time travel capabilities of tanning lotion?
Yeah, definitely run with that one.
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