Three Posts in Three Days... The Muse Excretes At An Unheralded Pace.

You know, a wise man once said, "There's nothing quite like a lion on a T-top Corvette."

And he was right.

But I think, to understand what President Lyndon Baines Johnson really meant when he said that, you have to read between the lines. You have to open yourself to hidden meaning without making an effort to grasp the illusory subtext of this sage, yet succinct statement.

You have to consider the speaker and his circumstances. Was this a reference to the land war in Asia, blooming like a festering, corpulent rose? Was this a reference to his predecessor's ill-fated last ride in a convertible automobile? Was it a reference to his successor's propensity for making love to restrained and sedated jungle cats, on top of, in or near 1970's General Motors two-door sports cars?

Or was it just a general observation?

In this newly-connected, media-frenzied world, it's often difficult to discern the true meaning of the things people say. For example, I have in the past cofused "Get out of the car, sir, and keep your hands where I can see them" with "Drive very fast until I can no longer follow you." We've all made the old gaffe of hearing "It's okay to have sex with my wife" when someone says, "I can't believe you had sex with my wife. Never do it again."

I'm eating eggs right now, by the way. They're delicious.

And then there are the myriad typographical errors that plague our understanding of each other's moods, wishes and intentions. Just the other day, Toronto Hydro's legal department contacted me regarding a letter from me, to they, which they discerned to be 'threatening.' According to the quote directly from my letter, Isaid I would "kill [them] if [they did] not forgive my bills and grant me free unlimited electric boogaloo in perpetuity." Now, that was taken somewhat out of context, and does not represent the overall tone of the letter. However, it is additionally rendered false by a foul and murderous (murderish?) typographical error, or, if you prefer, un error tipográfico. Instead of 'kill', I of course typed 'massage sensually', but silly Microsoft Word and its silly AutoCorrect function foiled me once again. The next letter was to contain direct threats of a most grisly death, of course, but now the cat has escaped its confining sack, and, were I to send the next letter, anticlimax would rule the day.

So be careful in your communications, my children! Be clear and compendious! Make sure you know what you're saying before you say it! Or this might happen to you!